The Trap of Excessive Responsibility

Can you take too much responsibility? Absolutely. And it can cost you. A friend recently told me that she is afraid of coaches because they return responsibility to the person. And this is true—one of the key features of coaching is that it ignites action, and action is a form of taking responsibility.

At the same time, I regularly do the opposite. I encourage reflection on what is within my clients’ responsibility and control—and what is not. Sometimes we discover that they have appropriated responsibility that isn’t theirs. Same goes with myself – guilty as charged.

Why? Because we are told that taking responsibility is a good thing. It makes for a good story—there was a problem, I stepped up, I overcame it. It casts one as the hero of the story, and that feels empowering.

The trouble arises when someone takes responsibility that isn’t theirs. That’s when we get leaders who are afraid to delegate, superhero colleagues who take care of everything and burn out, and people making ridiculous promises on behalf of others.

These cases have negative consequences, both personal and corporate. When responsibility becomes too much, it feels paralyzing. If it is taken from someone else, they may interpret it as a message that they are not adequate at their job.

And yes, sometimes we fix things on behalf of others, but even then—take responsibility for the fixing, not for the event itself.

We were all told as children not to take other people’s things. The same applies here: if it’s not yours, put it back.

Too much responsibility